this is what happens when i dont take lithium

this what happens to me...
btw, sorry for not writing in days again.

SAT, OCT 24
So i've been going to therapy for the past 3 days since im incredebly depressed... My doctor says that i need motivation... idk what he meant... ive been crying for no apparent reason, ivnt eat.. i just feel really bad about myself all the time.. maybe cause of the lack of lithium.. im back with the pills but idk, i just still feel bit sad.. its weird, i just dont really wanna do anything.. not even skate or discuss about polithics
My psychiatrist recomended me to take another hobbie involving something i like to so.. he kinda encouraged to taking some music clases, i mean i enjoy music n stuff but it would be awesome if i could make it too showing my own ideas to the world right?? so yeah he told me brother n he said hes gonna make n efford to pay some Bass classes for me, i mean bass is sweet, n its not really that hard. so my doctor talked about a teacher that will go to my house n teach me bass there, n since he recomended it its not really gonna be expensive.. well see.
so beside the bass n stuff he told me to spend more time for myself n stop worrying about simons personal life.. cause he says i just worry too much about him n since i cant please him all the time that just makes me feel bad.. cause its like part of my personality... "you always give it all for others n end forgetting about yourself" eventho im stubborn i kinda have a really low self esteem....
im having horrible nightmares n i cant sleep cause im fuckin exhausted of waking up scared so i rather stay awake.. i didnt sleep for two days in a row... n i was very aggresive n violent.. i fought with my brother more than once too..

FRI OCT 23,
i took my lithium finally but i still felt really angry with myself. idk whats going on n why i feel so mad n shit n im like in thr worse mood n everything just sucks. im not even in the mood of hanging out.
i went to school n i didnt talk much or did much.. i was just there... i didnt pay attention n after classes i went to my appointment with the psychiatrist. he noticed i was very stressed n stuff.
when i got home i just went to bed n slept. all i wanna do is sleep.. but then i couldnt cause i woke up because of that stupid nightmare again.

THU, OCT 23
i was depressed, i didnt even go to school. or ate... it was a fucked day n i just thought about my fuckin worthless self.. im hitting the bottom. i know i am..